Neighbor-Pleasing, Not Men-Pleasing

June 9th, 2025
by Lance Waldie

Romans 15:1-2 Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not please ourselves. 2 Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification.

Although Paul has hinted at belonging to what he designates as “strong” (Gr. dunatos) believers (those who rest assured in their freedom in Christ), here in 15:1, for the first time, he is explicit. Addressing his fellow dunatos, he says they “ought” (Gr. opheilō), referring to an “obligation” (ESV) to something or someone. In Hebrews 5:3, the term refers to the high priest’s weighty obligation to offer sacrifices for sins, both for the people of Israel and himself. In this case, the obligation rests on the shoulders of the dunatos towards the adunatos, that is, weak Christians—those who have yet to grasp their full freedom in Christ. Whereas the dunatos refers to those who are able, the adunatos refers to those who are unable. One is able to embrace their freedom in Christ, the other struggles to do so. The dunatos are thus “to bear” with the adunatos.

Now for the strong “to bear” (Gr. bastazō) anything, they must endure something unpleasant or difficult whether on their behalf or on behalf of someone else. This term is used in the NT for carrying a pitcher of water (Mark 14:13), of Jesus bearing His own cross (John 19:17), and for the act of carrying a man (Acts 21:35). In Paul’s context, that which the strong must bear is not literal but figurative, namely bearing under all the man-made ethics by which the weak often live—do not touch, do not eat, etc. So, the strong are not simply to bear the weak among them by rolling their eyes at them and tolerating them; they are to carry them in the sense of helping them. For the sake of unity and Christlikeness, the strong are to show the weak the utmost courtesy, willingly restraining their freedoms in order not to offend to God’s glory.

In keeping with Paul’s admonition to love others and do all things from love (12:9-10; 13:8), his point is that instead of Christians seeking their own pleasures, they are to seek the good of all, even the weak “for his good.” Man’s problem has always been his own selfishness, dating back to Eden where Adam and Eve sought their own pleasures as opposed to obeying God. Of course their selfishness did not please them long, and it certainly has not helped their offspring. Though seeking the pleasure of another requires sacrifice of selfish, otherwise harmless, behaviors for the welfare of one’s “neighbor,” neighbor-pleasing is not to be confused with men-pleasing. The former is commanded (Lev. 19:18; Rom. 13:9), the latter is forbidden (Gal. 1:10; Col. 3:22; 1 Thess. 2:4). Neighbor-pleasing is for his good and “to his edification” (Gr. oikodomē), a term that refers to the act of building a building. Whereas pleasing men concerns flattery in order to build oneself up and gain favor, building up one’s neighbor concerns strengthening their faith.

Of course Paul was no hypocrite. His testimony says it all: Even though I am a free man with no master, I have become a slave to all people to bring many to Christ. When I was with the Jews, I lived like a Jew to bring the Jews to Christ. When I was with those who follow the Jewish law, I too lived under that law. Even though I am not subject to the law, I did this so I could bring to Christ those who are under the law. When I am with the Gentiles who do not follow the Jewish law, I too live apart from that law so I can bring them to Christ. But I do not ignore the law of God; I obey the law of Christ. When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some (1 Cor. 9:19–22, NLT).

Food For Thought
As Christians, we might have to sacrifice our freedom so as to not offend others. Being all things to all people is about knowing those we witness to and doing whatever it takes to build them up. Eat, abstain, or whatever, but do it for Christ’s glory and not your own pleasure.